Hitting the Home Stretch

Well Beloveds, it’s Friday which means I’m back in the chemo chair. Next week is my last week of treatment, and I am deeply grateful for that. I reached the point of treatment where there are days it takes all I have to get to the hospital five days a week. PTSD makes those trips full

of cold sweats, hot nausea, and dissociation.

Don’t get me wrong it’s not all bad, this week has been one of real improvement and steps forward. I am mostly using the walker around the house instead of the wheelchair. Tammy and I had a nice mini vacation last weekend which helped me fill up emotionally a lot. So with the challenges there are a lot of positives happening as well.

I would be lying if I said I was not impatient to get back to being myself. There’s so much living to do and it’s just hard to keep my patience when the smallest thing feels like climbing a mountain.

I know I’ll get there, but right now pain and exhaustion are my constant companions. My only hope is once my treatments end things will begin to improve faster than they are while I’m also fighting these intense side effects.

I do continue to see beauty and the medicine struggle. I have a window seat for chemo today and I’m enjoying watching the clouds formations dance for me. On our mini vacation Tammy and I drove up Big Thompson Canyon, which just filled me with nature. Also, Wednesday I made it to my backyard to my hammock for the first time since surgery. That was a big deal because it had been all I have wanted most for months.

I have been exercising my writing muscles through journaling and writing prompts. It is a good start until I can find the classes that fit right. I am really enjoying reading. I’ve always known I’ve loved writing. I have always known I loved writing, but it makes me very happy these days.

I think that is it for today. Love you all. Some strength for this last week of treatment. Every little bit helps.